My Dream - My Life - My FateDo not conform yourselves to the standards of this world. (Romans 12)
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Saturday, June 20, 2009

好想養哥基呀!!

自從爸爸不在... 就好想養返隻狗... (其實如果可以接返寶寶返O黎就好啦~) 前排連續幾日, 雖然SUPER TIRED, 但都不時ONLINE 睇下狗..  其實我鐘意大狗多D... 只不過屋企細 + 唔養得狗, 一定要養細狗. 睇O左好多, 我都係鐘意哥基~ 佢擁有金毛的金啡色~~ 又有雪橇的白色咀巴~~ 又成日笑口sai sai~~  仲有又肥又矮, 行起路上O黎個pat pat lau下lau下咁~~ 超級得意呀!!! 死啦~~ 越睇越想養呀! 不過我睇D FORUM 話佢天生鐘意咬O野同埋會成日吠... 成日吠比人發現or complaint唔得O架喎... (之前寶寶就係成鬼日吠比對面complaint!) AIYA! 但真係好想好想好想養呀!!!! yesterday 係joey 家一齊online 睇狗同 choose 狗真係好開心呀~~ SIGH~ 不過都係只能遠觀.....

DSC00940(1) by chunsonah.Tandem corgis by jeffronicus.

corgi asleep.jpeg by tommypjr.i think you look pretty kaley, just like me!  (3 of 7) by sansanparrots.

 


Tuesday, June 09, 2009

掉牙夢

不知為何老是發著掉了牙的夢!! 很恐怖!! 沒有牙齒...怎樣見人... 很樣衰吧~ 以前的掉牙夢都是沒有血的... 最近的都有血... 在夢中, 每一次我都會試著把牙塞回原處, 希望沒事, 回復正常... 可惜不是找不到原處, 就是放回也再掉下... 沒有一次成功拯救~ 一些解夢書說掉牙是喻意拒絕成長, 我也以為是... 直至朋友的一個小型心理輔導, 反思後我諗... 掉牙對於我來說, 該反射我失去重要的東西, 而我選擇拒絕接受... 以前我認為這是醜陋, 沒面見人的... 這次, 我覺得不知所措... 不知如何是好... um... 都幾貼切. 回想... 這一, 二年... 我真的失去了很多重要東西. 常常叫自己要正面一點... 安慰自己說: 在失去的同時, 我得到了很多, 不要數自己失去甚麼, 要為所能到的感恩... 但不論多正面也好, 不論失去的同時得到了多少也好, 失去了就是失去了,  不會因為得到了B, 而A就沒失去過.  我想我用錯方法.... 我該數清數楚, 我失去了多少, 然後一一接受, instead of just putting them into my hidden track.

其實09年... 我的要求都很簡單..只是平平淡淡的過... 但結果也是風急浪高... 剛康復不久, 又來重挫... 真的很累! 希望這是最後一浪, 真的雨過天晴吧... 再來... 我怕會被淹死!  講開又講, 前陣子都發O左另外一個夢, 就係好累好累的時候, 突然出現一條肥臂比我"AI"喎~~ WA! 軟綿綿好舒服O架!!! 勁想"AI"住唔走... 點知AI唔夠2秒... 就醒O左LA!! 激氣!!  我諗我真係好需要一個長假期, 休息休息~


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Bye Bye

Bye Bye-Mariah Carey

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody      
Ya best friend ya baby                                         
Ya man or ya lady                                               
Put ya hand way up high                                     
We will never say bye                                           
Mamas daddys sisters brothers                            
Friends and cousins                                              
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift ya head to the sky                                        
Cause we will never say bye                                
As a child there were them times                       
I didn't get it but you kept me in line                   
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes 
On Sunday mornings and I missed you             
But I'm glad we talked through                        
All them grown folk things                            
Separation brings                                        
You never let me know it                             
You never let it show because                        
You loved me and obviously                           
There's so much more left to say                    
If you were with me today                            
Face to face                                                   
Never knew I could hurt like this                   
And everyday life goes on I                          
Wish I could talk to you for a while                
Miss you but I try not to cry                             
As time goes by                                           
And it's true that you've Reached a better place   
Still I'd give the world                                       
To see your face (bye)                                   
And be right here next to you (bye)               
But it's like you're gone too soon (bye)            
Now the hardest thing to do                          
Is say bye bye                                              
Bye bye bye bye bye bye
Bye bye bye bye bye bye
Bye bye bye bye bye bye
Bye bye
And you never got a chance                               
To see how good I done                                     
And you never got to see me                                
Back at number one                                            
I wish that you were here                                     
To celebrate together                                          
I wish that we could spend                                   
The holidays together                                          
I remember when you used to                              
Tuck me in at night                                              
With the teddy bear you gave me                           
That I held so tight                                              
I thought you were so strong                                  
You'd make it through whatever                             
It's so hard to accept the fact You're gone forever     

Never knew I could hurt like this                        
And everyday life goes on I                                
Wish I could talk to you for a while                   
Miss you but I try not to cry                                
As time goes by                                             
And it's true that you've
Reached a better place                                        
Still I'd give the world                                         
To see your face (bye)                                      
And be right here next to you (bye)                    
But it's like you're gone too soon (bye)              
Now the hardest thing to do                                
Is say bye bye                                                 
Bye bye bye bye bye bye
Bye bye bye bye bye bye
Bye bye bye bye bye bye
Bye bye


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

不捨

後來, 我總算學會了如何去愛, 可惜你早已遠去消失人海...

後來, 終於在眼淚明白... 有些人一旦失就不再...


Saturday, April 25, 2009

第一次

這是我第一次遇到這麼奧妙的神蹟, 第一次嘗到失去至親的滋味,   第一次攪喪禮, 第一次入大酒店... 這麼多的第一次... 沒有"一次"是我喜歡的... 都來得太突然了... 

4月8日 - 神蹟的顯現

是日放假, 因本季我負責VISAUL MERCHANDISING, 而今天又是轉DISPLAY的大日子, 所以堅持早上返工,  下午約了AL 在ELEMENTS 睇戲 - READER, 晚上探病時間看爸爸~  神蹟就發生在看戲逃中.... 電話突然響起, 是媽媽的來電, "喂" 了很久, CUT了線... 心想媽媽一定又問我何時回家... 反正8點前一定能到醫院, 反正都接收得不好... 故沒有理會... 繼續看戲... 大約過了1小時, 戲突然中斷... (第一次睇睇下戲冇得睇...), 是故障... 故看一看電話... 見妹妹的MISS CALL, 便襯這空檔覆她... 她一接到電話便大駡: " 你係邊呀?! 醫生打O黎叫我O地見老豆最後一面呀!!!..."心很慌... 見甚麼最後一面... 不是腸胃炎嗎? 媽媽明明說, 過幾天, 等爸爸的腳有力自己行就可以出院.... 為何突然變了最後一面?! 一路走出戲院都不知發生甚麼事... 很亂... 忍不住哭了... 幸好AL 在旁, 在的士中, 她建議一起念ROSARY, 心.. 平靜了...

感謝天主~ 讓我能趕上!

4月9日 - 別離

昨天一到醫院, 媽媽及妹妹都在爸身邊, 醫生對我們說, 因為爸爸的腸出血, 用胃鏡止了二次血都不成功, 一定要做手術, 不然會流血過多而死... 但又因爸的肺很弱, 怕在手術逃中, 他不能自己呼吸, 就算手術成功, 頭一星期會是危險期. 故一定要全家人都見過才會做這個手術. 等了5, 6小時, 出來了!!! 手術很成功!! 爸還有張開眼睛呢! 我們很開心, 以為已經過了難關... 但醫生說有再問深切治療部, 他們還是不肯收爸爸,  叫我們最好這晚留在他身邊, 今晚是最危險的... 雖然手術成功, 但插了喉... 這表示他不能自己呼吸... 情況很不樂觀... 如果一旦沒有呼吸, 他們都不會用心藏起伏器... 說不是放棄他... 而是要靠他自己... 聽到這消息就好像由高處掉下來, 忍不住流下淚來... 但我們相信老豆會"AI"得過的, 他平時都很堅忍.  那晚我們三個訓下醒下的陪著他, 當值的那個護士亦很好, 不時會過來CHECK 爸爸的情況及換藥水~ 等到早上, 一切也很正常, 我還記得爸爸的手很大很暖, 比我的手暖很多. 見情況好了點, 我們便回家洗個澡, HUP 一HUP....

11:00 左右, 醫院致電, 說爸爸情況走下坡, 叫我們最好留在他身邊... 這個電話讓我們知道情況該很不妙... 媽亦開始要接受... 不斷打電話給親友告知情況, 我們吃過午飯, 便跟親戚會合... 舅婆(爸之舅母)見到爸爸都哭了, 叫他一定要快點醒來. 舅婆看著爸大, 感情比較好. 大家跟爸說話時, 雖然他沒有張開眼晴, 沒有說話, 但我們見到他不斷流眼水... 親友離開後, 我們三個繼續留守, 爸爸又大又厚的手... 不再溫暖... 已由微暖變得有點冰冷, 我們叫護士跟他加被. 到晚上9時左右... 媽媽好像很累, 她想回家洗澡, HUP一HUP... 晚一點再來. 因為想陪爸爸... 我沒有跟他們離開, 獨自留守. 這也好, 我可以跟爸爸有獨處的機會. 我在耳邊不斷叫他要吸大力一點, 因為他的呼吸很弱... 他好像聽到我說的, 當我拍他SHOULDER說他LAZY, 他又會吸大力一點. 當我告訢他我去完澳洲後, 想跟他關係好一點, 我還沒有對他做過甚麼, 叫他一定要醒, 到時會陪他行山, 踏單車! 他的眼睛又留了點眼水~ 再繼續鼓勵他呼吸, 好似好了一點, 摸一摸他的手, 好像又比之前暖. 護士過來檢查, 說都正常. 我便放心行開上厠所... 回來一會, 他又懶下來.. 這次說他很懶, 拍他, 他都不肯吸大力一點... 然後電話響起... AL致電問我爸爸情況如何... 我都不知如何... 只知呼吸很弱很弱... 收了線立即致電媽媽... 然後看一看心電圖機... 是0... 再看一看爸爸... 還有小量呼吸... 便問護士為何會是0...是不是SENOR壞了... 護士看到, 拉了簾, 叫我在出面等... 那時我已蓋著臉不停的哭... 其實我就知道不是壞了... 過了一會... 護士走出來說... 如果有甚麼要說可以跟他說... 因為聽覺是最LONG LASTING的. 醫生過一會過來... 我一會兒叫他不要擔心... 會照顧媽媽... 一會兒叫他不要走... 我也不知自己說甚麼... 哭著叫著不久媽媽及妹妹趕到... 之後AL都趕到... 她說掛了電話後, 覺得很不安.. 故也飛的過來.... 過了好一會, 在最後見爸爸的一刻, 我們從禱告中, 跟爸爸道別, 把他送到天主的手中.



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